My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
