Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
