I haven't been this sober since birth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i came on her dog
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
