dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
