The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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