Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
