your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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