I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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