You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
