I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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