I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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