i would punch a child for taco bell
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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