Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
