he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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