end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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