He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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