he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
