i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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