I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
