sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
