But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
