I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
