great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
