"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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