hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
