I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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