He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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