His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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