cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
