I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
