A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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