I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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