come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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