dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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