i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
