We're facebook friends in real life
Acid is not a monday night drug
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
