I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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