Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
