also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
