You made me cry and you don't even care
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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