oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
