he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
