I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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