Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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