tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
