throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
