i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
