Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
