Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
