tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
