i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
